quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
