I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
