You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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