she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
