hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
