I think my vagina is haunted
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
