She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
organizing the empties. That sober.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
