so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
