I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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