Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You work out of a Hotel?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
