My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
