How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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