He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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