"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
