K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
