We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
