my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Are we still banned from the library?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
