Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
