just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize