hotel room ftw
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
