We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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