You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
