So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
