I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
