i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
