so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
