They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
