dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
