i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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