You're my little dorito
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
