i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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