i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
