I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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