so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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