Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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