the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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