Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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