Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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