I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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