So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
