I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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