Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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