Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
4 words: hood of his car
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
