whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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