okay pat passed out under dana's car
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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