I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
