I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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