my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
