Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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