She's JV to your varsity
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I did not marry a roomba.
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