I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
