Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
