Soap is not a condiment
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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