you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize