Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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