the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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