Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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