did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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