'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
