Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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