I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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