I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
