How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
